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About Varied / Hobbyist Official Beta Tester Paradise is neither above nor below, but behind and in front.United States Groups :iconekatrinafc: EkatrinaFC
 
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Deviant for 9 Years
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Ladies with snakes

Snakes and women - two things I like in a lot of pics. ;)

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 Mg 7682 by chatblues

First off, what is this little songbird? I must say, those shiny green feathers stand out! What's the scientific and/or common name of ...

One ring to rule them all by acjub
by acjub

Time consuming drawing? Totally worth however many hours you put into it. Seriously, this is amazing- every single minute you put into ...

Probably the best use for the villains in 5D's...

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Hm. OK. The Kuro is set to "gentle" for this critique.

This is a potentially awesome story waiting to break out. I'm getting a psychological horror vibe mixed in with the TF, which is a great angle to go. I see a lot of potential with it, and am glad you're thinking of continuing it. I can tell you like it a lot! I have certainly read much worse, and even though robotgirls are faaaar from my thing, you could easily try to make them my thing.

My main criticism might be a little odd, but I think that it applies here: show, don't tell. True, a lot of writing is telling, but in this case, I'm asking that you show something else: emotion. Instead, you go in and out of describing emotion. You talk about it, but it feels fettered because you're talking about it instead of actually showing it.

A good example: "At this point I was very confused on what was going on since I had no memory of who I was, where I was, or how I got there."

Grammar nitpicks aside, I really wish you would detail this rather than say "I was confused." Even descriptors along the lines of one's head swirling with thoughts, or sensations of dizziness, would create that impression. Likewise, with amnesia, imagine that confusion, and project it into the work.

(It helps that I've watched/read things with very, very poorly-done amnesia. This isn't quite as bad; at least you're consistent with the amnesia, which cannot be said of certain other things.)

Another thing to work on is redundancy. "Mechanical, machine-like noise" is the best example in the entire chapter: the sound is already described as "mechanical," so you don't need to call it "machine-like." We get the point from the word "mechanical." There are a few other places like this, but that one stuck out.

Final point: The word "seemingly" needs to die in a fire in this piece. It makes things sound vague when you don't want or need them to be. I had another person read it just to make sure it wasn't me; she added the comment that "you're making it up - own it!" Good advice; readers like certainty in their descriptions, even when you're trying to create an unsettling atmosphere.

I hope my ratings make sense. I've read better, but I've also read far, far worse.

Bryan came home from work with a sigh. The scrawny young man had short brown hair, as well as a black T-shirt stamped with "Jimmy John's" on one side. He lived in a humble apartment a few floors above a noisy street, streaked almost artistically with headlights in one direction, and taillights in another. Aside from doing two part-time jobs, he would not have called it a miserable life- just not a particularly good or interesting one.

His only consolation was a room full of books, toys, and cartridges. Shelves upon shelves were lined with an elf in a green tunic brandishing a sword. There was a tin of mints shaped like a shield - all uneaten, of course, so as to keep the entire Hylian shield inside its plastic wrap.

Yes, Bryan was obsessed with the Legend of Zelda series. He had everything anyone could possibly procure related to the franchise, from old 8-bit games to Smash Bros. for the WiiU and 3DS. A scrapbook containing images signed by Nintendo staff and a ticket stub for "Symphony of the Goddesses," a concert featuring music from the game, rested on a shelf. Countless figurines remained in their plastic boxes, if he could find them in mint condition. Much of his YouTube account comprised his playthroughs of Zelda games, old and new. Bryan was a fine reminder that the word "fan" was short for "fanatic."

His collection was already huge enough that his family questioned his sanity. They stopped saying anything when the nephews came over and needed to be amused. Still, soft whispers betrayed that the parents never wanted their sons to become as crazy as Bryan was about his video game world.

The internet was a different place. There, nobody cared that Bryan was nearing his 30's and had a room full of Zelda stuff. On YouTube, his comments about the themes underlying Majora’s Mask were valuable. They treated him like a legend - a hero. His entire room was a tribute to one of the greatest video game franchises to ever exist.

Bryan was always trying to make his massive shrine more impressive. A portion of every paycheck went towards another eBay search, and usually another item to put on his shelves.

One day, however, he came across an item so rare that gem-like Rupees replaced his eyeballs:

"Now you, too, can own an exclusive piece of Hylian history! As every Twilight Princess fan knows, the Fused Shadow was split into four parts. One of those parts belonged to Midna, the titular Twilight Princess, and now it can be yours!"

There were a few other details: the seller was from Singapore, and had found the trinket on a trip to Akihabara. Shipping would be five fifty. There was no insurance, and even the seller was not sure of the item's authenticity. 

Bryan, in all of his obsessive news-gathering related to Zelda, had never heard of an official replica of the Fused Shadow. Even if it was not official, however, Bryan noted every etching on the rock, metal, or whatever the headdress was made of. Authentic or not, it was well worth the current bidding price of fifty USD. An hour of furious bidding later, and Bryan had gotten the trinket for two-hundred and sixty one dollars, and pocket change. He would be paying off that credit card for a while.

After a month of being in-transit from the seller, it had finally reached his doorstep. He had to sign a form saying that, yes, the box from Singapore belonged to him. After that, he went to his Zelda shrine of a room, and cut open the box.

The artifact was perfect. Even through a layer of plastic wrap, it was about the size and shape as the actual piece in the game. Judging by the notches on the side that kept it on Midna’s head using her ears, however, it might not stay so well on his short hair.

Part of him wanted to let it remain it in its protective wrapping, leaving it in a condition so pristine it would make bottled water look dirty. The other part wanted to indulge a completely different fanboy.

Beneath every hardcore fan, there is a small child. Bryan scanned the room; almost everything there was wrapped or otherwise covered in clear plastic. What wasn’t wrapped was encased in glass, never to be touched again. His room was a temple and museum alike.

He had not started that way.

Like every hardcore fan of video games, he had once wanted to play with that Link figure. There were non-mint versions of games that he played, and let younger relatives play, but he was always sure to get at least one copy to never take out of the plastic, now. The young him would have been content with one copy, played with the action figures, and eaten those Hylian mints that remained plastic-wrapped in their tin on a shelf.

That still left him with a question: to unwrap or not to unwrap? He had not read anything about a life-size replica of the Fused Shadow, but so much detail and effort had gone into it that he would not have been surprised if it was an exclusive so rare that hardly anybody remembered it. If it was real, it was priceless. If not, there would be no harm in taking it out of the packaging, right? Slowly, carefully, he cut open a corner of the bag and tore it apart from there.

In the last rays of sunset, the unbagged Fused Shadow looked even more beautiful. Rather than an artifact, it looked like a real crown that could have belonged to a princess from a long-lost tribe.

He smirked. There was nobody around. With a grin, he put the strange item on his short dirty blond hair. Even if it did not stay on his head very well, there was no reason he couldn't try it on for a bit.

"Ah!" Bryan suddenly gasped. It was as though he had received a sudden static shock from the item. He watched, stunned, as lines of blue-green light etched themselves beneath his flesh. Like computer circuits in some sci-fi flick, they raced into nothingness, only to flash again. It was almost rhythmic, but Bryan heard no music.

One. Two. Three, and the lights steadied on his skin. Soon, all of his limbs were decorated in esoteric, sea green markings. He could not see it, but the markings had spread to his ears, as well.

"W-what?!" Bryan managed to squeeze out.

Part of him knew what was happening. Part of him wanted it to happen. The other part was in denial so deep that not even the finest suit of Zora Armor would allow him to swim to the surface. As black spread over his skin from the green markings out, however, he found himself faced with the inevitable truth: he was becoming Midna, the Fused Shadow's original owner.

"No, not now!" Bryan tried to tell the artifact. He had never thought of what he would, or could, do in Midna's place.

Indeed…what could you do…?

Bryan looked around frantically. He had heard a voice. His brain, rattled though it was, easily put two and two together.

"Midna?" The swirls spread dark and thick over Bryan's body. The rest of his body had remained pale, but taken on a slightly bluish hue. "But…you're not real." Those last words fell out of his mouth almost accidentally. He looked to the mint condition, still-boxed Twilight Princess game that rested on one of his shelves. This had to be some sort of bad acid trip. He had never touched acid, but this was still so surreal that he wondered if he was dreaming.

Regardless, it's sometimes a bad idea to tell a voice in your head that it is not real.

Oh, you think I’m a delusion, do you? the voice asked. You’re just a pawn. How did a peasant like you get a priceless artifact like a piece of the Fused Shadow?!

“Umm...eBay?”

What is this...e...Bay?

He then proceeded to explain that eBay was an internet auction site. With the shadow of his body slowly pinching in the fiery light of the activated artifact, he then had to explain what the internet was, that it wasn’t powered by fairies, and that he had no idea he was bidding on the real Fused Shadow. After all, in his world, Zelda was just a video game franchise. One look at his room reminded him that “just a franchise” did indeed mean a lot, even if it was all fictional.

“I thought it was just a really well-made piece of art!” Bryan insisted. Midna had, seemingly out of nowhere, chosen a new target for her rage.

EUGH, that bastard Zant! Midna cursed in Bryan's head. First he takes the Fused Shadow, then sends it to another world where we're just fairy tales?! She muttered something telepathically that Bryan could barely grasp. He could only guess that it was another curse against Zant's very being.

Bryan suddenly felt a heat coursing throughout his entire body. He could see the light of the Fused Shadow flickering like a flame against the plastic that decorated his sanctum. Like some sort of magical magnet, it kept him hovering as his jeans flopped uselessly onto the carpeted floor. A sinking feeling that the piece of the Fused Shadow would fit him quite well in a matter of minutes followed the soft sound of fabric hitting fabric.

As if a good look at his new demonic, black and blue pelage was not enough, Bryan saw his legs becoming softer and curvier. Like a pillowcase blown to life by a fan, his bony body puffed into a more rounded, shorter form. A rather feminine gasp escaped his mouth as a stubbier, softer hand grabbed his bulging chest. 

Very well, Midna commented. If I'm going to be trapped in this world for a while…you will have to be more than just a vessel for me. Until I get back to where I came from, I will borrow your body.

Bryan, at first, did not know what to think of that. With his now-pointed ears making the sounds of rushing traffic louder by the minute, he became more inclined to speak his peace. 

"Actually, you can keep it," Bryan said in his now-female voice.

"Hm? Are you telling me that mortals in your world do not value their shells?" Midna asked. No longer was it telepathy; there were two voices trying to speak out of the same body. 

"Well, yeah, we do," Bryan explained. His voice slowly cracked between deep and masculine and flowing and higher-pitched. "But I'm saying…I really wouldn't mind giving up mine to help you. Zant screwed you good, and me giving up my skin's a small price to pay to make that right."

Bryan briefly wondered if Midna could sense his real feelings on the subject: he wanted to leave his own world. Ever since he had picked up his first Zelda game at the age of ten, he had wanted to live in a world where a wolf could save two worlds, rocks could talk, and plants grew explosives. He would have done almost anything to go to Hyrule, or even the Twilight Realm. Midna's misfortune was his gain.

“Hmph. You want to go to Hyrule?” Midna asked. Bryan could hear her spitting out that last word like she had just eaten something vile. “You do realize that I want to go back to my world, right?”

Perhaps it was a vision directly sent to him, mind to mind, by Midna, or perhaps Bryan’s own recollection of Twilight Princess suddenly surfaced. Whatever the reason, his brain fed him an image of the Twilight Realm: a bizarre, ruin-filled landscape that lit itself with the light of the setting sun. The pieces of rock glowed with light that could have come from a lightsaber, it was so solid and bright.

“That’d do, too,” Bryan responded. He did not verbally add the “anywhere but here,” but guessed that Midna caught on to it anyways.

“Are all people on the internet like that?Midna wondered aloud. “Wanting to go to another world?”

“Erm...kind of,” Bryan admitted sheepishly. Admittedly, he had never asked anybody that question up-front.

“How pathetic!” Midna huffed. “While we share bodies, you best make yourself useful.”

Bryan wanted to gulp. He wondered how much control he had versus how much Midna had, but for now, she was dominant. He was fine with that; after all, she was his ticket to Hyrule, or at least thee Twilight Realm, if all went her way.

He, now she, shook herself out of that uniform shirt hovering above the floor. A brief glance at his monitor told Bryan that he had, indeed, become a red-eyed imp about half the size of a grown man. He had no idea how he was supposed to get anywhere as an imp, even if the Fused Shadow was extremely powerful.

Why don’t you use that internet, as you say, to find us the other pieces of my artifact? Go on! You know how to use your fingers, right?!

“Yes’m,” Bryan-Midna submitted. She used her stubby fingers to type the Fused Shadow into eBay’s search bar again. After searching eBay failed, Midna said something in an arcane tongue; wolves appeared out of the shadows of the room. With but a word, they moved from shadow to shadow, roaming the earth and looking for other pieces belonging to their mistress.

Midna chuckled in the back of their shared head. The fool whose body she had unintentionally warped was her ticket back home - assuming his knowledge would get her there. It certainly helped that he was so very compliant with her wishes. After all, there were always adventurers willing to help those who were lost.


Fusing with the Shadows- Commission.
A commission for :iconbioniclepokemonfan16:, featuring Midna from Twilight Princess and a very devoted fan indeed. Even though it was a commission, I invite the readers to write their own sequels to it; I'm not as big a fan as Bryan and needed a bit of help to get this done right. 

Special thanks to :iconjanus-006: and :iconclaresafan257: for their help on the fan details. I really couldn't have done it without you guys! 

All characters are (c) their respective owners. Happy? 
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An Insane X-mas Project...or, at least, questions.

Journal Entry: Fri Dec 5, 2014, 10:10 AM
Since Black Friday, everybody's been asking me what I want for X-mas. My answer, thus far, has been something akin to, "I dunno, Daring Do stuff?" (I have a huge weakness for reclusive author characters, and can think of at least two more off the top of my head. Plus, Daring Do can be part of my pegasus army!) It's weird having almost nothing on my Christmas want list, but most of the actual stuff I want can only be found on eBay/Asian swag sites (Monster Hunter has almost no merch in the States), isn't coming out until sometime next year (I want THIS, badly, for nine million reasons) or would be Greek to any relatives looking to buy stuff. It's weird not having a favorite Pokemon to pick on, anymore. Anywho, if you want an actual list, note me. The thing below should be a lot easier. 

What is this thing? Well, I've had a plain, black 3DS for years. I happen to like the Persona series. This looks badass, and occurred to me after my folks asked if I was looking for anything in the way of electronics. (No, I don't have the game yet, but I need to finish at least 3 more 3DS games before I'll feel comfortable getting another.) 

My plan: if everybody who wants to get me something for X-mas tosses in a GameStop gift card, this system should be a lot cheaper, especially after a trade-in. Depending on if my local stores have the system or not, I may go a few days without a game system. I guess I could *GASP* read! 

The problem: compared to most people reading this, I am technologically-incompetent. Is it really worth upgrading to a 3DSXL VS a regular 3DS? Is there a way to transfer all my game data between systems? Would it be possible to trade in my old 3DS to GameStop for store credit, keep the SD card, then get this? I haven't the foggiest when it comes to data transfer on video game systems. I don't want to say I'm "video game retarded," but at least compared to the current generation, that's definitely the case.  

...Well, I could've written an essay on how I'm still not comfortable being labeled a furry, but I thought this would be more optimistic. 

  • Mood: Content
  • Listening to: E-Type
  • Reading: Italian and Nietzsche
  • Playing: Must...breed...Fossils...!

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An Insane X-mas Project...or, at least, questions.

Journal Entry: Fri Dec 5, 2014, 10:10 AM
Since Black Friday, everybody's been asking me what I want for X-mas. My answer, thus far, has been something akin to, "I dunno, Daring Do stuff?" (I have a huge weakness for reclusive author characters, and can think of at least two more off the top of my head. Plus, Daring Do can be part of my pegasus army!) It's weird having almost nothing on my Christmas want list, but most of the actual stuff I want can only be found on eBay/Asian swag sites (Monster Hunter has almost no merch in the States), isn't coming out until sometime next year (I want THIS, badly, for nine million reasons) or would be Greek to any relatives looking to buy stuff. It's weird not having a favorite Pokemon to pick on, anymore. Anywho, if you want an actual list, note me. The thing below should be a lot easier. 

What is this thing? Well, I've had a plain, black 3DS for years. I happen to like the Persona series. This looks badass, and occurred to me after my folks asked if I was looking for anything in the way of electronics. (No, I don't have the game yet, but I need to finish at least 3 more 3DS games before I'll feel comfortable getting another.) 

My plan: if everybody who wants to get me something for X-mas tosses in a GameStop gift card, this system should be a lot cheaper, especially after a trade-in. Depending on if my local stores have the system or not, I may go a few days without a game system. I guess I could *GASP* read! 

The problem: compared to most people reading this, I am technologically-incompetent. Is it really worth upgrading to a 3DSXL VS a regular 3DS? Is there a way to transfer all my game data between systems? Would it be possible to trade in my old 3DS to GameStop for store credit, keep the SD card, then get this? I haven't the foggiest when it comes to data transfer on video game systems. I don't want to say I'm "video game retarded," but at least compared to the current generation, that's definitely the case.  

...Well, I could've written an essay on how I'm still not comfortable being labeled a furry, but I thought this would be more optimistic. 

  • Mood: Content
  • Listening to: E-Type
  • Reading: Italian and Nietzsche
  • Playing: Must...breed...Fossils...!

deviantID

KuroKarasu's Profile Picture
KuroKarasu
Paradise is neither above nor below, but behind and in front.
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
FINALLY changed my devID. The original pic was done by a friend of a friend who lives in Louisiana. I just messed with it in PhotoShop a bit and added a certain shadow...

Other Stuff About Me:

I love llamas! If you fave something of mine, please add a llama with it! You will get one back in return!

I also love doing art for stuff! Currently, I am hunting HG/SS Base Set Reverse holos. If you have 5 or more to spare, do note me. :heart:

Western Signs: Taurus, Moon in Libra, Ascendant in Gemini.

Eastern Signs: Snake, Snake, Rat, Rabbit.
Life Path: 3.
Birthday number: 16
Jungian/Myers-Briggs Personality Type: INTP

There. Now you know more about me than people who have known me all my life! :lol:
Interests

Webcam

Suddenly, you become one of your original characters! What is your reaction? 

39%
13 deviants said ...well, this could be interesting.
30%
10 deviants said AWWW YEAH! This is who I've WANTED to be!
21%
7 deviants said Depends on which original character. I've had so many...
9%
3 deviants said AAAAAHHH!

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconfredyhannover:
FredyHannover Featured By Owner 5 days ago  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for the fav ! La la la la 
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:iconkurokarasu:
KuroKarasu Featured By Owner 4 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
:) Not a prob. 
Reply
:iconbiggangnam:
Biggangnam Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2014
Happy Halloween! May your days be filled with candy and ways to horrify small children.
Reply
:iconkurokarasu:
KuroKarasu Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh, I did that, all right. And got you something. ;) 
Reply
:iconbiggangnam:
Biggangnam Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2014
biggangnam.deviantart.com/art/…

Thought this'd give you a chuckle. XD
Reply
:iconfox-song:
fox-song Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2014
I got your box today!!
Reply
:iconkurokarasu:
KuroKarasu Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Geez, how'd I miss this? Glad to send the foxes to someone who loves, though!
Reply
:iconconfusedkangaroo:
confusedkangaroo Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2014  Hobbyist
Thanks for the fav! I really appreciate it.
Reply
:iconkurokarasu:
KuroKarasu Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:hug: Thank you for stopping by to say hi! 
Reply
:iconbiggangnam:
Biggangnam Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2014
Sie sind das Essen und wir sind die Jäger!

biggangnam.deviantart.com/art/…
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